and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
