i just sent this text using only my big toe
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
