i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
