Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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