you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
