sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
