Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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