she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
