party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
