he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
