Buhtt sex?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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