My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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