I looked at my own cervix.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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