Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
