Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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