He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
