we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
