At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The adults are the big ones right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
