Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.