please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.