I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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