Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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