i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
