also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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