I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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