im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
