He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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