I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
