i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
