So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
