Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
