No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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