So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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