...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
