All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
