one might say we're banned from that church
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
