let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Come on in and take your pants off
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