he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
