I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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