I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
