Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
