I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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