can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
