You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this boner is exhausting
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
