Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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