It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
