I'm going to jail i love you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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