Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
