thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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