Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
