We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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