Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
