So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Two words: blizzard sex
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
