the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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