Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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