She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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