He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
