i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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