It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
as a side note pls kill me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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