His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
