Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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