its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...