Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order