I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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