Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
