If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed