i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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