my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
