i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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