i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
