if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
