I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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