im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
