I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
