My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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