This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
