I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
