We're like a lot better than the average bears
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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