Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
