I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
