listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
