guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
