i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You are a genius and a whore.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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