how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
