we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
