"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
