is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
