Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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