Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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