I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
