i jhust puked up my retainher.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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